Stress

Well, vacation week is almost over. What a weird week. First, it rained most of the week, only at the very end did it evolve into sunshine and warmth. It was a busy week and stressful. I spent most of the week working on my research paper on the Cathedral of t. Joseph for my architecture class at Trinity. I really enjoy the research part of the process - I realize I simply love to learn. However, I also enjoy the telling everyone what I know part of the process as well. I find I'm more competitive than I've ever been about grades and as a result create stress in the process. I want the highest grade!

The week had more stress as I went for a nuclear stress test on Thursday. They shoot nuclear isotopes into you and watch them course through your heart to see if there are any blockages. I won't know about the results until tomorrow. I suspect the doctor isn't concerned or else he wouldn't have waited til Monday. It takes two hours and is a slow process. While on the treadmill, my blood pressure shot up higher than they wanted, so he put me on beta blockers. I really hate taking medicine - I can't stand the blood pressure pills I'm on. When I think about it, I realize the pills represent aging and they force me to acknowledge my age, the act of turning 50 this year, and I resent it. On the other hand, I try to acknowledge the fact that they might help me reach age 80 - come back in 30 years and read my response at that time - it might be more grateful. I laugh because I don't feel 49 going on 50. In many ways, I feel younger than at other parts of my life, but the pills are the bell that tolls the years. I need to figure out if I can change my lifestyle in some way to get off the pills. The start, I hate to say it, is losing 35 -40 pounds - no wonder I'm on pills.

We also finished most of the Annie set this week. Ryan, Andriana and Sam all did great work. We could not have done it without Andriana's artistic skills. Ryan is a very fortunate husband.

Sam was with me since he got a 'D' in math, simply because he did not do his work. Every other grade was in the 80's. His consequences are: not driving permit, no TV (except the Red Sox), computer games, video games, and we took his cell phone away (except when at school so he can call to be picked up). At this stage, he'll be living the life of his brother in a Dominican priory.

Easter

A new dawn opens and new hope arises. Hope is what Easter is all about. Of course, since the first Easter, every day brings hope. Everyday also brings the unimaginable love of God and his unrelenting well of forgiveness, and Lord knows we all need it. There is a great relief in understanding this forgiveness. There is no way we can be eternally strong, but we don't have to grieve, simply live, listen, strive to do our best, and have hope.

Peter

How grateful I am for Peter. I see him as a true gift to all of us, so passionate, and weak, and sinful, and, finally, triumphed in his commitment at the end. I find him a great comfort since he walked with Christ, heard His words, saw His work, experienced His miracles, and yet still denied Christ three times. It seems he is not better than Judas as that point. The huge difference is that Peter believed in God's message of forgiveness and wept bitter tears of regret, while Judas chose death. I truly hope that somehow Judas recognizes his mistake and accepts God's grace. It seems that His love and forgiveness is so vast we can never imagine it, so vast even His betrayer is welcome to it. The gift of Peter is that he is so much like all of us and yet overcame his obstacles in the end. Caravaggio's image is him is so wonderful. You can he is strength and that wonderful attitude where he asked to be crucified upside down because he is not worthy to die like Christ. I hope I some day can have his faith and strength and also hope I am never tested as he was..